important note
pretty much all of the text here (and on anything in the snippets folder) is not mine. i either took notes based on what i gathered from them or copy-pasted them verbatim from a thread or article.
stuff i was able to find is sourced below the quote they are attached to.
meeting people
if you want to go for a run, go for a run, don’t look for company. sooner or later, on your fifth run or your twentieth, like-minded people will find you themselves.
– this has circulated so much on twitter i can’t find the source
“working in public” gets a lot of people jobs, and living in public gets a lot of people into relationships. your job is to think hard about how to make that possible, and if you want to be social on social media, do that more than you do other things
compliments
compliments from men are great but updating your opinion of yourself based on them is missing the point. compliments from men are good insofar as they show a) his desire to compliment you b) his wit c) that he gets what you want to be complimented for. shouldnt impact self image
dreading being approached
hard to overstate how much i used to dread being approached by men, not bc of a sense of offended modesty but bc i was so unsure how to read ppl & what to say & i felt like it was really unfair of them to look at me like i was boring & odd when they approached me
- there was a period of years where any man could have gotten it in by listening to my infodumping & politely saying it sounded interesting…only one chose to do so & we’re still dating…the others tried all kinds of other stuff & succeeded only in hurting my feelings
– sympopp
manipulation
if you’re in an argument with someone manipulative (who doesn’t yet have power over you), communicate that you are not able to be manipulated.
- in response to anything that is clearly intended to incite a specific response, say something like “that’s not effective” or “that doesn’t work” or with “no, that’s not going to work on me, sorry.” there are many ways to say this.
standards
i think you can both hold people to high standards and root for them. you don’t have to choose between saying that any conduct goes and nothing merits criticism or mocking people who fail to do the right thing. there’s space for ‘yeah, it’s tough. you’re tough. step up to it.’
a lot of people only want standards so they can condemn people who aren’t living up to them, and a lot of other people want no standards whatsoever so that they never have to do the right thing unless it is also maximally convenient.
communicating relationship goals
“i want marriage and kids” doesnt mean anything if you dont finish the sentence with “in x years” and we should stop pretending that it does
- “i’m not interested in moving in together without a ring & a wedding date” & genuinely meaning it because it feels like a waste of your time to do that, not to manipulate the other person into anything, just setting a boundary & happily living your life.
- what i’m trying to say is the relationship equivalent of letting your boss know you have your eye on other opportunities/limited loyalty without a raise forthcoming versus saying either i get a raise right now or i quit.
natural connections
something i learn in the climbing gym is that there can be a sea of people and you don’t rly talk to anyone or have good conversations, which might lead you to think you can’t socialize or connect but then every so often you meet someone where it is so easy to slip into discussion that you don’t even remember ever meeting them.
when this happens enough times in different contexts you realize that there are people out there who you naturally connect with more easily and this quells your need to connect with any particular person/crowd. there are people out there where you dont have to feel warped to hang